April 22, 2003
Daily Record
Charlie's Angels: Dougray's Tee Party
by Charlie Whelan

In the second of his Scottish election campaign columns, CHARLIE WHELAN, former spin doctor to Gordon Brown, this week doubts if the SSP's latest supporter will convince voters

THIS election campaign has been so boring that news of the man tipped to be the next James Bond, Dougray Scott, supporting the Scottish Socialist Party made front page news.

The SSP are delighted because it's the first positive thing the papers have written about them but, if I were Tommy Sheridan, I wouldn't get too smug. Celebrities don't win votes - policies do - and the SSP plans for Scotland are still bonkers.

The SNP thought they had a winner in Sean Connery but Scots aren't stupid. Why should they listen to a man who refuses to pay his fair share of taxes in this country?

Dougray Scott doesn't even live in Scotland either, so his support is about as useful as Jimmy Hill endorsing Scottish Labour.

Dougray may be a hard-line socialist but he still likes to play golf at the swankiest of places. When I had a game with him for an STV chat show, he insisted we played at the £130-a-round Gleneagles course.

I was delighted, though, because it meant that I got to play the future Ryder Cup course for free with STV picking up the tab. I also found out that Dougray is as good at golf as he is at acting - he thrashed me.

I WENT to the STUC conference in Inverness last week to speak at the President's dinner.

To say the brothers and sisters were unhappy about Tony Blair is the understatement of the year. What I hadn't realised was that my old boss, Gordon Brown, had spoken at the dinner a few years ago and that we had some of the same jokes.

Fortunately, I knew one I could tell because Gordon had always refused to use the one I gave him about Peter Mandelson. It was about the time the Chancellor bumped into the twice-disgraced minister in the House of Commons voting lobby. Mandelson came over to Gordon and said: "Can I borrow 10p to phone a friend?"

Gordon replied quick as a flash: "Here's 20p - phone all your friends."

I'VE got the solution to all those people who hate our lampposts being covered in election posters. Move to Edinburgh. I was in the home of the Scottish Parliament on Sunday with Radio 5 Live covering the election and noticed a complete lack of election material anywhere.

Don't Edinburgh folk know there is an election on? There are more posters on display in the small Highland town of Grantown on Spey

I'M sick and tired of so-called political experts telling us negative campaigning works. It doesn't.

When I attacked the SNP for being so negative I was told: "What about Labour last time?"

They forget that Labour's attack on the SNP, playing to genuine fears about a divorce from the rest of the UK, was only part of the campaign. The rest of it was positive.

It's just that political pundits only remember the negative message because it was so effective.

This time round, the SNP think they are being clever by running negative adverts all the time. The problem is they have nothing positive to say and the voters know it. That's why the SNP are trailing so far behind Labour in the polls.

DOES Govan MSP Gordon Jackson want to lose his seat?

Going on holiday to sunny Spain in the middle of the campaign will hardly help.

I had a few beers with the former Govan shipyard shop stewards' convenor Davie Cooper this week and he reckons that Jackson wants to lose so he can go back to defending Govan criminals full- time - it pays more than being an MSP, he tells me.